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In January I forgot

.. but I do not have two outfits of the day yet.

My new jersey dress (even sewn), once with Gudrun Sjödén to work:



and once in the evening to go out:

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melwen_alana @ 2011-02-25T13: 13:00

Again a Friday Filler:

1 . Actually, it would be nice if there were in the company the opportunity for a nap.

second produce manure, and then argue with critics, the others are just jealous of something is ridiculous .

was third last night I very nice visit .

fourth Unfortunately Scandinavia so far away.

5 I could never run a marathon. The training for something I'd not be interested.

sixth I would never peel potatoes, if I had a cook.

7th As for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the Tibet Restautant tomorrow I have planned a "home-rumrüssel Day" and Sunday I would like with my treasure to the Kunsthistorisches Museum !

Dealing With Gastroparesis

Frustration is stupid

I think I'm running like screaming here in the triangle. But violent.
I get upset so rarely and if so, it takes in any case only a few minutes and I am again the ignorance itself, but I've just repeatedly turned my whole room upside down (and myself, even in the dusty and dark depths of the inner life my bed ventured) and find it not easy. And I can not imagine that I would ever knowingly thrown away. But I cling to it very much.
what is being discussed? Two dreams that I have written similar years ago. I have kept these two records as a treasure and a flat dragged into the other without ever losing. And now I can not find them. I think I scream the same. Oh, and in the delta race course. I still remember every detail of it, but that does not change the fact that I would have liked the exact words. Can perhaps only understand the least, but my dreams are just incredibly important. And these two also my first two Zelda dreams were. Silly? Maybe. But valuable to me personally. And I can not find this precious memory. It is the cry!

also bitcht My mother once around (otherwise you can not call it.) I hate to have to live here. I just want to own in a life. It pisses me off sometimes so so on (but only for minutes.)
had yesterday, once again one of these deep philosophical conversations with her that we are on the way to work and back home somehow always lead because we are bored.
No, I have no fear of death by cancer. I would even welcome it.
Yes, I see the cancer as a flu. In the past, people died because now it's just cancer.
No, I have no goals and Ambitions in life. Life bores me and makes me sick. I'm so pumped full of traumas and phobias that I may not even have fun in life, if I wanted (since I do not want it, has indeed done that before.)
That's all one big pile Dummfick.
And I develop some feelings that I never wanted to have. Okay, so I can handle now and strangling them simply, one of my easiest tasks, but as long as they flit around here are annoying, they tell me. And I've got the Gori falls victim to the frustration. A frustrated Gori then unbearable. And then it can not stand himself. The frustration increases. Vicious circle.
I can eat up my frustration not even because my mother bought the wrong chocolate pudding (yes, banal, but annoying, I do not like dark chocolate, if it's for pudding goes!) And ice, the best cure, hurts me. I was not drinking because of chemo, but I think I'm just doing the same. Tomorrow we go to the weekly shopping, I scrounge around a bottle of my mother (she'll pay her, of course, but I'm running still around without a pass. The suckt too) and I'll give me good in the evening edge. I had alcohol has never been so urgently needed. Or rarely.
Although it is against my principles, I now have at least something I I look forward - to my noise. Cheers!

EDIT: Wow, wrong-___-morning until Thursday, on Friday we go shopping. Buhu!

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Totensommer / The Glorious Land







graves we were on summer, admiring the splendor of the thistles, - just as dry and dead as the nameless dead who could not mourn for us - in branches between rusty crescents and saw the caravan raise from children's stories. Delicate silhouettes of the cages in the evening sun, the dusty corpse guarded. So eloquent they were silent about death. Lovely.

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Friday, Friday


The Friday Filler develop the most frequent blog entries. :)

first it seems like yesterday that I got my treasure found.

second when I finally had a six-Lotto, I would not mind.

third when has actually started my back to hurt. I have plenty of time for that no . ;)

fourth I would much rather trees outside my window, as offices and community buildings.

5 My stomach often makes funny noises .

6th Oh my God, not can all be a little happier. This is a matter of attitude, people!

7th As for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sewing my wedding upper , tomorrow I have a sewing day already planned (yes, really;)) and Sunday would I bless my family with cake!

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OHGOTT!


I can not believe it.
It is indeed over, and after a little over a year ago I brought an RP to an end.
Krass.
It feels so unreal ...

And above all - I grieve for Renado Sarayo and who have found their way to each other until the end. AND THEN AGAIN EVERYTHING HAS SARAYO ruined! This woman ... SUGGESTS TO ME! ANIMAL TABLE!
BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE TWO TOGETHER AGAIN MAY! AND I JUST ROAR HOW STUPID AROUND! You realize how THROUGH THE WIND I AM? GOOD!

With every letter that came from Oyara, Renados hope sank to a message from Sarayo and he should never wrong. No matter how patient he was also waiting, nothing came. It was as if there had never been Sarayo and Luda in front of his eyes grew up to be a young woman, without her mother to have.

I AM SO CRUEL! And I hate myself so much for even so.

link. Adina. Hylia. GNARGHLBLA!
SARAYO!

I have to go to bed ... otherwise I turn finally by (I'm not that? >__\u0026lt;)

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halbtrocken @ 2011-02-15T21:13:00

















Marat has reminded me of the summer.
I think what I liked most was in Kyrgyzstan, the city. All these landscapes were beautiful, the lake, the mountains, the villages, but the city has inspired me. She is so full of contradictions, full of vitality and so incomprehensible that I am her kill helpless. I can walk there very long, without having to take on something interesting. And then I'm suddenly midst of life.
I lack any poetry for the city, outside of their evening light and odor, park benches, gardens and barbecue restaurants. Me strained to the utmost, a two-hour walk through the midday heat under German arouses desire rain, waiting to be satisfied but not - it should remain a premonition that something is still there, behind this juggernaut of exhaust, dust people, rattling Radio Music and suspicious glances. I suffer from temperatures that seem otherwise than comply with my wishes summer, under the mountain air and the conspicuous lack of visitable toilet. My stomach rebelled, I curse my being German, my lack of adaptability, my speechless - and wants to go away but in any case. Welcome back to the bazaar every day, every day enjoy the heat, I squeeze into minibuses and surrender to the city.
By evening, shortly before the sun goes down and comes up a breeze. Then go on a bit and I wonder that all this really happening right now.
And of course I'm in love with the person who shows me everything and can stand that I stumble, curse and suffer. And wait until I understand of course.

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wolves, cyborgs, Bikini Bottom & Dragon Heart [dream x4]

Alter Schwede ... I've been awake the last few days over 60 hours straight, I have between them since yesterday afternoon (about 16 clock) until this morning at 9 durchgepennt clock, with several brief awakenings. And although it sounds somehow still quite harmless, it was a bizarre and yet slightly weird experience to have suddenly lost a day.
And the effects of sleep deprivation on my body were not very funny. I had difficulty with coordination, concentration and balance problems (which were higher than my natural level of training bliss), absolutely not hungry and even though I was on any trip, as it can sometimes occur with extreme sleep deprivation, I had a feeling like I was wrapped in cotton wool.
When I've slept so many hours after these last, I dreamed only muck! It would have been so many nice features (to Renado Sarayo and squinting while wine>.> OTP * screaming *)

That was pretty random with the wolves. Yesterday I finally bought myself a little Okami and gambled before I weggepennt (suchti I, I) and then dreamed that I went to school with Abby. We had just Hour change, and we struggled quite a lot of stairs to the next floor up, while we were talking about the Okami RP, we have currently running, and about the current problem is how my character also Okitama still has to save his friend saw, if he has just done literally hands full with Abby's character Inari.

for each other but us incomprehensible, but perhaps a sign that at last I was to send my part ...

equally random and I do not remember the details, nor can I reconstruct the plot halfway reasonable. I just know that another woman and I fled from a laboratory complex (determined you are to blame, be, you and your stupid lab! Lol) we both looked identical (as a blonde Angelina Jolie), only I had the untrue ; Possible feel that my companion was the hare. In the laboratory, a fight had taken place (just because we had fled), and we wanted to hide us, before we thought about our next steps and finally went into hiding. However
negotiated with us for two artificial humans and throughout the city were highly sensitive sensors mounted that would recognize us right away if you hit us beam. The device looked like a metal gripping hand with three hooks, one of the hit-seeking laser, shot his hand out of the wall and ripped the cyborg, the artificial heart. Without this unity could not, however, this weiter'leben ', so we had to keep two of us from things. Fortunately, the parts were
damn stupid and could be easily circumvented if you do nothing rash.
We came away from the laboratory that is healing up to a hotel (it should be noted here that the whole time we were naked and were creeping about only through side streets, teeming with search but only seems like sensors, but we had been hidden from view.) Hase said, this is what we would find shelter and equipment, except that the front door and the door to our apartment with a specific chosen mechanical device was fitted. To open it, we had a round depression in a ball set, the "eye" was in the name (the exact name I forget.) However, we had left in the heat of the moment in the laboratory.
The rabbit stood in front of the depression and asked about the ball, when I suddenly horrified eyes tore, and thought that I would have left the laboratory, and in that moment I saw it again even before my mental eye. Tables were overturned with a crash, vials and other stuff fell clattering to the ground and one of the metal wall cabinets fell down. Then the eye had been. It fell down and rolled unheeded with the tiles, while rabbit and I tried for all his might to avoid the robot guard unit that we just wanted to process scrap.
The hare looked at me angrily and said "Oh, how can one be so stupid! The thing was important, "but since it's not explicitly mean been task was to take the ball, I was also angry and said something like "Is not alone probably my fault! ! You would also be able to take "
many opportunities we had and the most obvious was not suicidal - to return to the lab and try to bring the eye. Especially with the tense atmosphere between us it would be mindless to move back into the fight, because no two of us knew whether she could leave in an emergency to the other.

A dream that was basically anything but funny (rather the contrary ...), but still with the characters took place from Spongebob. Right, SpongeBob SquarePants.
do not remember everything but somehow they were all stuck in a house because outside had ushered in a violent snowstorm what looked like an ice age. Only the few stocks in the house were becoming increasingly scarce, all frozen and Spongebob would eventually go out to look for Gary, and the misery to end. Sure, that Patrick would not let him go, Mr. Krabs was once worried about something else than just his money, and only seemed to Squidward all pass somehow. He would even want the nightmare finally came to an end, but not that Spongebob might came back, he did not care.

The dream was epic, even if I have a big part of it no longer knows or blurry still. The reason why I dreamed of dragons, is also totally Banana: I stopped by yesterday while shopping Dragon Age: Awakening in the hands. Well ... The holders orz
What I remember:

I was on a broad level meadow that bordered on a dense forest. A few yards in front of me heard the plane as a cliff abruptly and a wooden suspension bridge led to the other side, which was of me not to look, however. The sky was cloudy, white-gray (as in a bright rainy day) and it looked like an autumn sky, although the grass was still lush summer green.
I was also a man and wore a suit of armor similar to some of the characters in Zelda, you mean: I was not completely packed in metal as it had been with the Knights in the Middle Ages the case, but wore a coat, here and there one or the other metal plate and lots of leather and fabric, to stay agile. Besides me there were many other men and to knights the meadow.
The event had simply used the middle of it and we are a group knights and mercenaries who were sent to a dragon to slay was in reality a witch's Grand Master, because he terrorized the country for years.
I held the sword and shield in his hands and watched closely the environment in order to avoid a possible ambush. Was surprised we won all and suddenly heard a shrill shriek and out of the fog and cloud bank over the bridge a beast appeared, which we imagined in our wildest dreams never had.
A gigantic dragon, of slim build, but with wings that stretched across a substantial portion of the meadow stood out.
Another cry and then he plowed through our ranks close to the ground, ripped open his mouth wide. We flew, the most scared quite apart, but I was not a man who had intimidated so easily. My teacher taught me the virtues of a knight and I would rather fall with honor in the fight against the dragon as a coward to run away. The other knights remained, although some of the mercenaries already were running for their lives, and so rushed we after this rather mindless maneuvers back to the flying monster. Against a dragon to me my shield did not help much so I threw it on the run carelessly aside, equipped only with my sword.
He struck again with their wings to get away from the floor, and pulled again to the mouth. We all expected a fire volley and went already back in coverage, but instead the dragon screamed again and rushed to the small group of men before him. She withstood bravely dodged, hit for him, but it was as if the world could no blade penetrate his hard shell. He even got a scratch off, it was a losing battle.
I was still a long way away from him when I could see my teacher right by me. He suddenly stopped and called out to me that I should stop. I could not understand why I should do it heard, but was obliged to see him and my comrades one by one, were mercilessly mauled by the beast. The sword in my right hand was trembling with anger and tension equally, but my masters, I would never have placed disobedience, he was a wise man
After the dragon was done with the men before him were of the anfa ; ACCESSIBLE Force only a paltry handful remained. This, for us, shattering, results seemed to satisfy him, for he rose again and disappeared into the mist, from which he had come.

talked In the next scene, my teacher and I were in his room. We needed a new plan if the dragon was not in the usual way get at. My mentor told me something of the "Heart of the Dragon". It would be a very rare jewel, could capture in which the sorcerer's soul to a dragon can be physically untouchable. Destroyed it but the heart, died not only his dragon form, but he immediately
itself was so decided it. We both were in his castle (or his tower?) Penetrate, which was located at the other end of the bridge in the meadow, look for the heart and destroy it.

next and final scene: the sorcerer had caught us and now we were all three together at a table. The image was absurd in the sense that because we normally talked as if I and my mentor had no intention to kill him. But still danger in the air.
My master asked the sorcerer a chance, Dragon Heart related to and as the Grand Master was crazy and seemed to love games, he agreed and even sent for two identical pieces of jewelry. A silver dragon with a slightly stretched wings. To his toe-nail hung a crown - it was the part of the amulet, which was the heart.
He showed us the two pieces, ill chuckled and said that if we could find out what was the real parts of the dragon's heart, he would let us run it and even give us. Of course, the sound lazy, but we had no other option.
My mentor saw the two pieces long, and was silent the whole time, he looked up. A glance at the warlock, then hangs on me.
"Here, take the left," he cried suddenly, and pushed me to the dragon, hastily. Just in time for the wizards jumped up quickly and grabbed my master. Any gaiety was gone from his eyes, he was the man with a dagger at the throat and glared at me.
"Give me your heart back," he hissed hostile. "Or I kill him!" He would never have expected that someone actually so much flair had to recognize the right heart. His arrogance was ultimately the undoing of him, yet he had me in his hand. Should I risk the lives of my mentor on the line to rid the land of the dragon? Basically an easy decision, would not be as extremely close father-son bond that I had with the man himself.
"Do not listen to him! ! Destroy the Heart "His words gave me the necessary determination, I swore him to be disobedient and so I never did what he asked of me. I had quickly unsheathed my dagger and drilled him in the crown, which then broke into two pieces. The warlock yelled out in pain, my mentor, but still slammed the dagger into his own stomach, then he let him go and backed away screaming. My master gasped, stumbled and fell before finally against my chest, and together we fell to the ground.
cried the Grand Master wall, and grabbed at his heart, but there was nothing he could do even more. He fell and never moved again.
My master looked up at me gratefully veiled eyes. I was wet and I tried desperately to pull myself together.
"Everything is good, "I lied to him and me alike. "I'll take you out of here." He smiled. The first time in my life I lied to him and of course he knew it. Still, he smiled.
"That's good. I'm proud of you, "he whispered and closed his eyes as I held his hand. I pressed it unconsciously, but to say instead of the pressure, relaxed its now final and with his departure I was in tears.

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the skirt you already know ..

but I like him just so happy.


time with Gudrun Sjödén vest and cloth ..


and again on a Friday Filler Barbara :

first Just today I'll get annoyed by anyone .

second When I think of the Austrian domestic policy, grabs me the creeps.
(I've written before, I've read point 6;.)

3rd I have actually managed to most of the Hochzeitsdeko effectively acquire .

fourth soon back in the Nähtreffen Bordenau, I'm looking forward!

fifth First of all I need now once strong black tea .

sixth It makes me sick, if you look at the political events in our country.

7th As for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to my relatives , tomorrow I have planned a visit to my dad and Sunday would I Gregory vest finish !

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Winter



begins in eight weeks, the summer semester, and because I already like the sound of the word, I feel at the thought comforted them straight. Even in the face of things that will be done by then yet. Two cold months ahead, which are admirably adapted to be written papers and abstracts, oral examinations and prepare to do the work in the Institute in society deserted corridors.
And then spring. And then summer.
I have the winter this time pretty well under control.

************************************************ ********
I do not know what's about to be Dusseldorf.
Ruhr clear. Grubby, proletarian homeland (the embodiment of my romantic transfiguration).
Berlin, without words, city of my dreams and hopefully my future. But
Rhineland? Dusseldorf? The whole city is to send me, too conservative, too snobby. I hate the word "cultural management", which means but well-kept anti-intellectualism nchts here in the King Avenue look. However, I would say
that one can live quite well. There is an ever-present compromise. From
and you will be rewarded on sunny winter days with these images. Something.

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Friday)

Friday filler of Barbara :

first Hello world!

second I would love to go again Hurtigruten but only when my sweetheart mitfährt .

third Actually I could do at the zoo go .

The fourth, the love ala the evacuation has been a good thing is good news.

5th In the movie I saw recently machete. A masterpiece!

sixth find this neck pain I quite terrible.

7th As for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sew something, after all Aufräumerei , tomorrow I have planned a huge anniversary event and Sunday I want to sleep !

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Love more, talk less







to describe the beauty is probably so difficult because it is the linguistic expression tries to escape again and again. Add to that the fear of destroying it, by putting it pressed into inadequate words, it is a frame, it establishes and in a presentable outfit on the trip sent to test the dialog.
Maybe I write so little, because the images give the unspeakable more space, today and tomorrow mean something else. Perhaps because of the ambivalence, Brig is in everything so hard to express, beyond the one hand, on the other hand, formulations, and because the synchronicity of the events require a write mode, for which it (still) is no grammar.

In the struggle for the right words for my happiness, my passion, fear and sadness and all the other thread-tag, which is far too massive to describe the slight tendon that sets in every now and then, if I look out the window at the darkening sky, the rain-slicked road and hurried people I meet that which is not beyond me and there is still only a hereafter of me.

wanted What I tell you, I can
"my husband" do not call "my man".
My BA thesis was rated 1.0.
I lost my best friend to have one without the ever thought possible and is understood to mean that one can not not act.
It is something that I mourn every day because I keep all my helplessness before our eyes.
I am very much in love.
And I hope so.

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101 things in 1001 days ..

The standings after the first 106 days, says that it is not hopeless, but I should speed up slightly. :)

Here is the original to all statements. Already

ended:
first the list
make 4th the Holy Lance View
56th 1 min countries try cooking that I do not know. (Kasachisch! Bengali nomnom * *)
66th West finished one of my knitting
85th breakfast in the tunnel

Going to work: (% estimated)
10% of 3 Tribal / belly dance learn (A 2x3h seminar I've had and I'm signed in mid-February for a wöchtenlichen course)
15% from 11 All seasons of BBC look at coast (about half of the first season)
35% of 12 Star Trek TNG and DS9 look (we are in the 6.Staffel of TNG, DS9, we have nothing)
50% from 21 sew a winter coat (I must still change the sleeves and the lining is missing completely)
50% of 24 an Empire outfit for my treasure (and some with hand-stitched shirt and hand-sewn vest very advanced in the pants I got the sample of times cut)
20% of 57 Min. Step 10 times really go. :) II
10% of 59 10 single-color basics sewing I
40% of 88 10 Friday filler fill IIII
is projected 2.3 things.

So I'm at 7.3 but slightly behind the times

edit. What had I expected because the? These were only 70 days, so I'm right on schedule! :)

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Friday, Friday

1 I think it is stupid, added that the week just 7 days.

second sleep is best on the left.

3 best things in life are even more beautiful when you can share it.

fourth Someone who does my homework, now would be not bad.

5th If I were not so afraid I would bring it professionally.

6th I started blogging, because I need my dose of self-representation. ;)

7th As for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to relaxing , tomorrow I planned an evening with friends and Sunday I would like sewing, what else? :)

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New Year

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by unalimosna